Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
