The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize