i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
