just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
