dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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