I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
