There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
