My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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