they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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