At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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