I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
