woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
