What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize