you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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