spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
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