she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
