look no pants
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
