you guys were way drunker than both of me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
