I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
