He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
