Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
