apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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