I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
