I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
