I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
