if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
