We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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