she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
