i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize