At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
