RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
