Ambien. No doubt about it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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