So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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