started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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