He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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