yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have peed in a lot of sinks
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
