Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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