The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
