Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
