put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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