I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
