i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
