He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize