hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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