im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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