thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
