You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
