you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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