I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
