You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
