dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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