So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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