If that was your dad, he is hot
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
