and next time when you feel me up, do it right
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize