how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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