so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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