i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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