Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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