im about as happy as oj after his trial
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
