She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
handjob tips. give me some.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
