so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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