I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize